Power Truths

I lied.

This came to me during meditation.

It’s true. I wasn’t honest with myself. How I really felt.

The memory that erupted the floodgate of realization shattered my physique. It was years ago but it came back to me like it was yesterday.

We were sitting in a funky breakfast eatery in Little Italy in Toronto. My soon-to-be husband and I. It was a hangover day. We were eating up the grease. Two very intriguing individuals walked in. They had an artist’s air about them. Proud, confidant and dressed in colour. I looked. I gawked. I admired.

My fiancé caught my glare and gashed my ego.

“You don’t like artists do you?” then he added in a snarly tone, “Bunch of wing nuts.”
Young at the time, flirting with love, ironically I really thought he was the one for me - my true love, I responded uncomfortably. It was neither in their defense, nor in my favour.

Was I lost?
The truth is I was. I wasn’t listening to my inner guides. To my intuition. To my heart. I wasn’t telling him how I really felt. I do admire artists.

In a power struggle with love and fitting in, I’d given up my soul. I thought I loved myself, but I didn’t really know. It turns out when I look back, I wasn’t being true to myself - in any of my past relationships.

I did marry that man. But it didn’t last.

My spiritual journey took time.

Earlier this month I had the fortune of attending two evening talks with the same two young and very spiritually savvy women. This may sound contradictory. I am sure they are both younger in age them myself; yet full of more wisdom and spiritual intuition then I ever had at their ages.

Gabrielle Bernstein from New York at one point waved a hand in the air announcing she was a P.S.A. (Public Service Announcement) for meditation.
Danielle LaPorte a Vancouver native swung on the jive on grooving to the way you want to feel. Not comparing yourself to others. Setting your own state of being.

I gulped it all up.

Even though, I had entered the room feeling at the time, “Cripey another couple of women talking about women’s stuff. Here we go again…”
Yet, as much as I have already seen, heard and read before – these two captivated my soul.

This was in Vancouver.

Gabrielle Bernstein signing her latest book "May Cause Miracles"
with Danielle LaPorte in Vancouver.
Photograph by Jane Victoria King

A few days later I was in Victoria and I saw them both again. Together on stage for the opening night of the Victoria Yoga Conference.

I had taken my mother and a close family friend.

They did it again.

Be true to yourself resonated once more. Even though I always thought I followed my heart, did what I felt was right, I came to a realization that sometimes what the mind says overpowers the way the heart feels.

The head shouldn’t rule the heart. We should listen to our heart.

In Vancouver I bought Gabby’s book the “Spirit Junkies.” It’s by my bed. I read it before I go to sleep.

A few days after I returned from Victoria I went to Indigo and bought Danielle’s book, “The Fire Starter Sessions,” which I read in the morning when I wake up.

I am almost finished the two of them. True enough, I’ve gleamed more entrepreneurial spirit from both.

The message is loud and clear.

Be true to yourself. Listen to your inner guides. Meditate.

In my practice I’ve released all of my regrets. Forgiven everyone I can think of. Crossed the highway to gain a daily morning spiritual practice that I look forward to. Honoured my fears, but not let them rule me. Woken up each day with gratitude and gained a spring in my step knowing I know how I want to feel.

Holy love, holy health, and holy wealth.

I don’t compare myself to anyone else.

This is me.